I hope professional business writing goes and dies in a fire

Professional writers must be the most miserable people on the face of the earth.

Think about it.  Professional business writing must be done in a third person voice, show no opinion, be factual, source everything, and sound formal.  Sounding formal can be anything from using technical jargon, to big words that requires a doctorate to be able to read and understand.

I was tricked into attempting to write like this – never again.

Recently I was asked to write a blog post (previous post) regarding mobile computing and the long term healthcare for work.  I’m used to writing on my own website/blog but once you start thinking of writing something that is going to appear on an actual website other than your own  - thoughts start to go toward being more formal. 

Formal.  I hate formal.  I hate formal wear.  I hate formal speech.  I hate formal syntax and I hate formal writing.   This became even more apparent when I tried writing the above mentioned blog post.  Besides the impossible task of trying to keep a post relevant about ever changing computing, I also attempted to write in a “formal business writing” style.  The results?  Well I’ve seen vomit that was more readable than what I had produced.  I tried.  I really did.  I tried to make a witty introduction, used formal words, sourced all my information and used a third person writing style throughout the entire document.  I finished the first eight versions of the post – and just could not get it to work.  A portion of the last of the first version read as:

On May 20th, 2007 at the All Things Digital conference Bill Gates talked about his vision for the future of computing.  He talked about a future in which people carried around not only one device, but multiple mobile devices and relied on the PC less.  One device he described was a larger tablet form factor computer with an optional keyboard attachment, the other being a smaller device which could fit in pockets and was geared more toward media

<snore>

I tried as much as I could to get that to work but no matter how much time and work I put into it – it sounded like one of those horrid press releases which is instantly sent into that secret black hole called your trash bin.  To get past it, I deleted the post entirely keeping it only as a reference in a backup which you must travel through a small hole while reciting the Klingon alphabet while at the same time solving various physics equations without a calculator.  (I went through a lot to get the above quote – but its worth it just for you).  Without any history to upset me with I started out to write the post again, this time writing it in my writing style.  Third person formalized business writing style be darned.

The result?  The result was something I was happy with. 

I could never imagine having to write in formal business writing again– if I had to ever write a paper like that I think I would rather just quit and move into a cardboard box.  Doing that would be more acceptable then attempting to live by those archaic rules of “business writing.”  Anything else that I write – be it on this or another blog/website will be written in my style with my voice, with my opinions, observations and (sometimes lack of) wit which I poses. 

I guess its true – in whatever you do – be true to your own voice.  Unless you’re a voice actor – then you can use someone else’s voice.